I Love You, (Wo)Man

If you’re reading this, chances are I may have never met you. I probably don’t know your favorite Kardashian, your middle name, what age you had the chickenpox, or other really vital tid-bits of information about you. But do you know what I do know about you? You’re loved.

If you’re anything like myself (a.k.a. you possess a vagina, have ever been dumped, live in America, etc.) you’ve had your bouts with doubting yourself. You’ve looked in the mirror and mentally screamed at that one eyebrow that goes a little higher than the other when you smile. You’ve questioned whether or not wearing Spanx on a first date is considered “false advertising.” You’ve eyeballed that average-looking chick being hit on by that really hot guy at the bar and wondered what she has that you don’t. You’re probably not happy for Eva Mendes because you know you’d be a better girlfriend to Ryan Gosling. See, I’ve never met you, but I know you, honey.

Here’s how I know you’re loved:

• You’re unique. No matter how bland or unoriginal you may deem yourself at times, it’s an actual Bill Nye The Science Guy-Approved-Fact that you are the only you out there. Maybe the freckles on your right arm make the shape of the Big Dipper (Ok, that’s me… Try not to be too jealous). We all have a myriad of quirky, weird things that make us us. And someone (more likely an abundance of someone’s) is bound to appreciate that.
• You’re smart. Maybe you can do long-division and still know all your multiplication tables (something I still can’t do). Maybe you know all the correct words to Eiffel 65’s “Blue” (daba de daba di?). Maybe you’ve read all the works of Shakespeare. Maybe you’re really good at celebrity trivia and can actually name all of Brangalina’s twenty-seven children. Perhaps you watch The Big Bang Theory and know what the hell they’re actually talking about. People love smart people because, let’s face it, we’re gonna need you when we make it into the Cash Cab.
• You’re talented. Maybe you can tie a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue (damn, you). Maybe you have the voice of Adele and you’re just waiting for the courage to sing outside of the confines of your shower. Maybe you’re the next Oprah. Maybe you can make really authentic sounding bird call noises. Whatever it is, you’re good at something. And people eat that shit up.
• You’re funny. How do I know this? Because everyone is funny in some way. Maybe you’re super witty and a modern-day Come Back Queen. Maybe you’re really sarcastic and dry. Some people are funny on accident because ridiculous things happen to them without them intending to that just happen to be hilarious. Maybe you’re Class Clown, slapstick funny. Maybe you can burp your ABCs like a real lady. Either way, everyone has a sense of humor and everyone loves funny people. (How else do you think Will Ferrell was allowed to pro-create?)
• You’re beautiful. Spare me the “I really hate this gap in my teeth” or the “I think this ten pounds is from two Thanksgivings ago” schpeel. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, shape and form. Maybe you have natural Taylor Swift-esque curls while the rest of us are left licking our curling iron wounds. Perhaps you have crazy long eyelashes like Claire Danes in that Latisse commercial while I’m stuck poking my eyes out with my eyelash curler. Maybe you’re one of those freaks of nature that can eat Krispy Kreme for dinner and not gain a pound (now you’re beautiful and annoying, congrats). Whatever that quality/ies is/are… work it, girrrl.
• You have a family. Now hold up – before you start making excuses – hear me out. Maybe you were adopted, had a horrible childhood, have an older brother in jail, or something else that you deem dysfunctional or abnormal. I.Get.It. But someone in your family loves you. It might be your little sister that thinks you hung the moon, your Nana that thinks you’re the apple of her eye, or maybe you’re your Daddy’s Little Girl. Somewhere in that gene pool, you may not be liked all the time – but you are loved… because that’s what families are for.
• You have a past. I know, I know… you’re starting to question if I can read minds. (Answer: Probably) You’ve been through and experienced painful things that have made you who you are – the good, the bad, and the ugly. This makes you well-rounded and more importantly, relatable. Your lessons-learned have enabled you to help someone else going through the same thing you went through; therefore, I know that someone you’ve helped loves you for being there.
• You’re passionate. You have something in your life that you truly care about. It makes you want to get out of bed in the morning, it drives you to make a difference or become a little bit better. Maybe it’s the people in your life. Maybe it’s your dream job that’s the reason you’re busting your ass at that unpaid internship to get a step closer towards. Maybe it’s a political or social cause that you’re willing to stand in the rain holding up a sign for. Whatever it is, people love passionate people because they inspire and motivate us to do something worthwhile with our own lives.

Most importantly? You just read my blog. And for that, I love you. Happy Holidays, kiddos.